Monday, October 27, 2008

Chemo 2, Day 5

5:30 am and Vic has gone to work. I have decided that I hate Day 5. Here comes a little whining, plug your ears.

I'm on my own here, but not steady on my own. The neuropathy is bad and my thinking is cloudy. I can still smell the food that was cooked last night, even tho dishes have been washed and put away. Nausea isn't bad, but the smells are bothering me.

My finger tips hurt and I can't feel things. I didn't know the water was too hot until the water splashed up on my wrist. Ooops! It is hard to hold the coffee/tea cup handle unless I get both hands on the cup. But then the hand burns. Guess I'll get my gloves on. This is going to require some creative thinking to solve issues we take for granted. Think? Hmmm, not sure if that's going to work. Well, that's an exaggeration. I can think, but it is so slow and I forget what I was doing. It feels like a comedy routine around here.

I'm glad that we came up with a chart so I can stare at it for several minutes and several times while trying to decide if there is a pill I'm suppose to take. I grab my supplement and vitamin sorter to start the process of taking them, but then can't remember what day it is. Oh, that's, right. It's Monday. Laa laa laaa, sip some tea. What am I suppose to be doing? Oh, that's right. Take some vitamins and supplements.

And now it's 5:50 am. This day is going to be long, I can tell. I want a mommy here with me today. Well, maybe not all day, but to help with food and liquids. I'm such a whiner.

Keeping an eye on my eye. Get it? I crack myself up. My eyes are blurry and dry, despite frequent OTC eye drops. The one that became swollen after the first chemo is acting up. I have a few more cortisone drops that I am going to use. Don't need that freak again.

More later.

It's later . . . but not more later. At 7 am, the nausea hit. I can smell the food that was cooked last night and it is making me sick. But there isn't any food. Dishes are done, I just put them away. Removed all dish cloths and ran hot water in the sinks. Time for the sleepy-time meds. Nighty night

Evening time . . . . two naps today, one in the morning and one that was a huge crash in the afternoon. No way were those eyes staying open this afternoon. The anti-nausea meds cause this, so it's a trade-off. Being awake and semi-alert and having nausea in the pit of my stomach . . . or seeing double while trying to stay awake.

Neuropathy and cognitive still stink. Vic has caught me in a few blunders when talking to him tonight. I wonder if he is writing them down in the the "Renee's Mess Ups" that the girls started. I think it's funny, personally.

I am so hoping to go to work tomorrow, if not 8 hours, some hours. Just need to be cognizant of what my in/out does to the office routine.'

Two down and two to go! Wait, I can't think of that right now. I have to get through the next few days. Once I hit Week 3, then I can get excited about the positives.

Please continue to pray that the negative thoughts of Triple Negative Breast Cancer recurring/metastasizing leave my brain. The reality of this happening is there and I do spend energy speaking to this negativity. I can't allow myself to go there and fall into that hole of despair and fear. Research is still needed in this sub-speciality of breast cancer.


  1. You are SO not a whiner! I refuse to be alone when I'm like this. I'm too wobbly to feed the cats. And their food really really STINKS on chemo.

    They don't seem to care though...

    Please take every care. Stay away from the hot stuff and you know, you really don't need to be anything other than a princess when this is going on. Remember that!

  2. Oh, how I hated the smell of my beloved coffee during chemo. And don't get me started on the dog food.

    You are a princess, and you have super powers - you just don't know it yet.

    I so feel for you - just rest and do whatever you need to do in the moment.


  3. I wanted to throw Bill's coffee out into the front yard this morning :) It just smells SO bad!!

    And then he brought it into the car for my Doc appt. this morning. It's a blustery day here, pretty chilly, so I just made the trip with the window wide open!!

    Be well, Renee. Every day is a little better. Pulling for you hard way over here on the east coast!!