tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7072910436841152992024-03-13T10:04:50.673-07:00Renee's Bump in the RoadUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger184125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-17301061227870091222010-11-22T10:22:00.000-08:002010-11-22T13:03:48.958-08:00Final-E<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We met with the oncologist on October 21, 2010 for the 6-month check up and to review the 6-month MRI/mammo results.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2010/04/probably-maybe-might.html">Cancer breast</a>: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Decrease in the enhancement at the lumpectomy site. Resolution of small fluid collection at the lumpectomy site. Category 2/benign. Recommendation: Normal follow-up</span>!!! (exclamations were not dictated by the radiologist)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Non-Cancer breast: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">No abnormal mass or significant enhancement is seen. Category 1/negative. Recommendation: Normal follow-up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Moved to having annual mammograms!! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Final-E Finally! The two years of a grey/black “probably benign” cloud hanging over my head is gone.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Did I instantly start doing the happy dance? No. Come on, who do you think is writing this blog? Once a year mammograms? <em>Are you crazy, doc? This is an aggressive cancer!</em> It was the same feeling I had at my last radiation treatment. No one was watching this b*tch closely. It’s the typical “I’m out of treatment, now what do I do?” feeling. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know I have stepped away from blogging. Why you may ask (or not, but you are here reading, right?) Well, I found that I couldn’t be upbeat and positive all the time with this “probably benign” crap (from here on out known as <em><span style="color: #cc0000;">PB crap</span></em>) hanging over my head. I tried. I did happy thoughts, yoga breathing, acupuncture, exercise, lost weight (31 pounds thank you very much), talked to God, read His promises and compared my little <em><span style="color: #cc0000;">PB crap</span></em> to others whose cancer came back or who were living life with Stage IV cancer. </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And here’s what I found. It’s OK to go to the ‘<em><span style="background-color: #274e13; color: white;">dark side’</span></em>. That’s what I call the times when I feel that I have no control over my life. The key is to just not <u>stay</u> there. I spent too many days at that <span style="background-color: #274e13; color: white;"><em>stay vacation place</em></span> while trying to hold together my work and home life. <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2010/04/okay.html">Not a good thing.</a></span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">What I discovered was that if my life was balanced, the <em><span style="background-color: #274e13; color: white;">stay vacation in the dark side</span></em> didn’t last very long. And if it did, I spent a lot of energy fighting that demon with taking control of my diet, exercising and getting the right amount of sleep. A key was not to beat myself up for being in the <span style="background-color: #274e13; color: white;"><em>dark side</em></span> – a challenge for someone who has depression (and anxiety only recently discovered – thank you Sue!) and had other undiagnosed health issues. Another key is to not beat myself up when I wasn’t consistent in this fight.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here’s something I picked up from somewhere on the Internet:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Survivorship is a continuum with no closure; </span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">we face different issues at different times.</span></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">With the Final-E!! conclusive diagnoses of severe Excessive Daytime Sleepiness (Idiopathic Hypersomnia) and Fibromyalgia, this blog will now focus on ways to live life while sleepy, in pain and in a brain fog. </span><br />
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</span><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If the focus of the blog was my IH/FM health, it would be something like this:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<blockquote><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>I woke up many times last night because of pain in my [shoulders, hips, knees, feet, blah, blah, blah]. Sleep was not refreshing and I am now [in a brain fog, so sleepy, unstable to drive, blah, blah, blah]. How can I make it to work and function 100%? (can you hear the stress in my tone?) I hope to get out of the house today; will have to wait to see what the body and mind allows me to do, blah, blah, blah, blah. </em></span></blockquote><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While I do not recommend going on a <span style="background-color: #274e13; color: white;">dark cloud stay vacation</span> for two years, I am energized to use the knowledge gained to live life with a chronic condition and live life despite a chronic condition.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Blessings,</span> <br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span><em> <br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;">~Renee</span></em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-25519199220709177252010-09-13T17:41:00.000-07:002010-09-13T17:41:12.375-07:00Cognitive - no smart title (yet)<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After our last visit, dear blogging community, my life became sucked up by work, medical tests, waiting for medical test results, stress from waiting for test results and visits to doctors. Let’s see where we left off on our story . . . </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I met with the neurologist who was going to do 8 hours of testing. Or so I was told by my primary care physician (PCP). Neuro had me to do some memory tests, but it was not 8 hours of testing. We talked about all my aches, pains and groans, which included, but were not limited to: sweats, swollen neck glands, headache, dry eyes, intestinal issues, restless legs, confusion/memory issues, fatigue and sleep problems. Neurologist’s diagnosis was depression, “can’t be anything related to chemo since that was so long ago and research doesn’t support it”. We talked about quitting my high stress job and doing something else. Referred to psychiatrist to review my antidepressants and see what needed adjusting because of said depression.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In looking back, I realized that my cognitive skills were still a little skewed. I wasn’t functioning at the level I was before cancer; couldn’t multitask or remember things. I found that I had to start making lists to ensure that the multiple facets of my job were done and that nothing fell through the cracks. A great amount of energy was expended on ensuring and remembering. I also found that I couldn’t cook more than one thing at a time; something was always getting burnt. Before cancer, I could cook an entire dinner for 10 people without any problems. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Shrinky dink (psychiatrist) didn’t totally agree with neurologist’s opinion that the memory issues <em>couldn’t</em> be related to chemo. But he upped the dosage of Wellbutrin that I was already on anyway. Shrinky wanted me to take 3 Wellbutrin tablets and he faxed in a refill to my pharmacy. Okay, easy enough and I started on Friday morning taking 3 pills from my PCP’s prescription . . heck, not going to waste the money spent on the drugs. I felt weird and wired. After picking up the new prescription on Saturday, I placed it aside, since I already had an open bottle from my PCP’s prescription. I took 3 pills on Saturday and again on Sunday. I am definitely weird and wired, but now my breathing is a little challenged. So glad I’m not doing this while trying to work!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I sort my prescriptions, supplements and vitamins into pill sorters on Sundays for the following week. Yep, sorters, plural. I opened the new bottle of Wellbutrin and noticed that it was a different size and color from my old bottle. Long story short – my old prescription was 300 mg not 150 mg as I thought. So I was taking 900 mg of Wellbutrin. Poison Control stated that seizures are the number one side effect at this higher dose, so get thyself to the hospital. N O W. Poison Control called the ER while we were enroute and the ER was ready for me. They offered a lovely charcoal beverage and an overnight stay in their guest accommodations, hooked up to monitors, to ensure that I did not have a seizure. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Follow up with rheumatologist resulted in him seeing something on my hip xray and ordering a MRI. The results of the MRI were okay for the hip; however, it showed that I had a cyst on my ovary. Radiologist suggested following up with an ultrasound, which happened the next week. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Fear and worry were tops, with a little more depression thrown in for good measure. Follow up with Shrinky Dink where I tell him I’m still not doing well with the memory and confusion (this is where he adds the Prozac). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Meet with gynecology nurse practitioner for ultrasound results, who also did a pap smear. Haven’t had one of those since my partial hysterectomy in 1996! Results came back with some endometrial cells. What? Endometrial? I don’t have a uterus or cervix; how can it be endometrial? Second pathology opinion, not endometrial but something else (I don’t recall what it was). But to be safe and sure that it’s not cancer, let’s have you do a </span><a href="http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/cevicalconditions/a/colposcopy.htm"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">colposcopy</span></a><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">. Yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. That’s all I heard after the word “cancer”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Follow up with Shrinky Dink, where I tell him I’m still having issues with memory and confusion and have now added another worry about cancer. He noted that despite the higher doses of antidepressants, I was still having memory and confusion issues; ergo, cognitive issues weren’t necessarily caused by depression. I asked, and he agreed, to support my request to work part time. By Thursday, I would be so fatigued that my whole weekends were spent getting rested up for the next week. If fatigue and cognitive issues are rated as a 10 (on a scale of 1-10) while on chemo, then this current fatigue and brain stuff was rated a 5. I work 8 am to 1 p.m. Monday – Thursday (this was the company’s choice on how to meet the doctor’s recommendation of 20 hours per week). </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My number one reason for working a reduced schedule was simply this: the freedom from the fear that my company would terminate me due to the time away from work to have all these tests and doctor/counselor/acupuncturist visits to find out what was causing the cognitive issues. Second reason was to address the fatigue so we could have some type of life. Third reason was for some time to work on, well, <em>me</em>! Go to the gym as well as take time to get back to planning and eating healthy. I realized that from the time of the diagnosis in June 2008 until June 2010, my focus was on ensuring that I had my job and that things were cool for Vic. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I am aware that in the grand scheme of the universe that having a cloud of “probably benign” hanging over my head, with fatigue and cognitive issues really aren’t a big deal. I am also aware that things could be worse. But why am I having the cognitive issues?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Stay tuned for Part 2. Time for me to elliptical myself to Hawaii (mentally).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-76987876276092204812010-08-20T13:13:00.000-07:002010-08-20T13:13:36.650-07:00Two Years Ago<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today marks the 2nd anniversary of the surgery to remove cancer from my breast. While it seems so long ago, it really isn't that long.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I hope to get back to blogging soon. But in the meantime, feel free to email me at <a href="mailto:goose1972a@gmail.com">goose1972a@gmail.com</a>.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Over and out,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-86866103384765982232010-05-09T14:20:00.000-07:002010-05-09T14:37:21.516-07:00In the News<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last Friday, a reporter for the local newspaper asked if he could interview me for a story about the upcoming Relay for Life (May 14-15). We made arrangements to meet this weekend at a restaurant and we met this morning. I work at City Hall so know Robert from his coverage of City Council committee meetings that I staff. During treatment and afterwards, Robert would inquire about my hair. He had shared that his mother had gone through cancer treatments and when her hair grew back with the baby soft curls, he loved touching it. Whenever we saw each other, he’d ask about my hair. To me, it was a way of saying “How are you?” </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Driving to the restaurant this morning, tears started coming. What the heck? I hurriedly put on some positive and uplifting music to sing along with (in key, Cousin Kim), in an attempt to release whatever anxiety or fears that was causing the tears. I didn’t have time to think and process the feelings as I was just 2 minutes from the restaurant. Put your big girl panties on and suck it up! Here’s your chance to tell your story and help other women. Deep breath, big smile in place as we sat down in the booth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And more tears started. Dagnabbit! I felt comfortable with Robert so explained that I cry when I’m sad, angry, happy, tired, frustrated, etc. Those who know me or have read this blog, know that tears are a part of me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We talked about how the <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2008/07/telephone-line.html">doctor informed</a> me that the biopsy was cancer. How I told my daughters and their reactions. We talked about the hair loss and the emotions behind that. How I felt the need to reassure everyone that I was going to be okay, so they wouldn’t be fearful or scared. Talked about Vic’s diagnosis and who was going to have surgery first. It was tough – it was reliving a time that was pretty damn scary and out of our control. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We also talked about the positives – with tears of course. How the City employees <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2008/09/sept-27-as-i-was-driving-home-last.html">donated their leave</a> so I could have a full paycheck while in treatment. How the Mayor’s assistant, now my “breast friend”, created a place for me to <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2008/10/chemo-1-day-14.html">rest on lunch breaks</a>. My department colleagues <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2008/08/aug-19-yesterday-at-work-i-noticed-one.html">wearing pink</a> the day before the first surgery. How Vic was been the best care giver anyone could ever ask for – sitting outside the <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2008/07/july-11-im-scheduled-for-mri-at.html">MRI tube holding my hands</a>. The breast cancer blogging buddies and support system.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After our meeting, we drove down to the stadium/track where the Relay for Life is held for photographs. Robert, if you are reading this, please remember, you need to make me look young, tan, and thin. Thank you very much.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On my lunch hour walks, I go past this track frequently. It brings no emotions when doing so. But as I walked up to the track today, I had a split second of nostalgia and pride. Remembering the feelings of walking the first lap as a survivor and the symbol, to me, that treatment was over. I had won the first round. Remembering Victor walking the 2nd lap for caregivers; pride that he was a caregiver and the sadness that he was a caregiver. The 3rd lap and <a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2009/05/walking-port.html">luminaries for my breast cancer blogging buddies</a>. Pride that we made it through another year despite disappointments that we haven’t received the “no signs of malignancy” report. We’ll get there, eventually. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I hugged the Relay for Life banner that was hung across the cyclone fencing. It was a hug of “Hey! Remember me? I’m still here!” It was also a hug of thanksgiving. Thankful that the doctor’s haven’t written the word “malignant” in their reports. Thankful that Victor is my husband and hasn’t dumped me on the side of the road when I’ve been at my worse. I wouldn’t have blamed him at all if he did! Thankful that I have supportive brothers, sis-in-laws, cousins and daughters. Thankful that there is a network support of breast cancer blogging buddies.</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-26130585715183703722010-05-05T20:10:00.000-07:002010-05-05T20:10:04.079-07:00Anagram: Crate<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Quick note tonight.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No brain cancer. Yeah!!!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Next step: Referral to neurologist for lots and lots of testing on May 17th. Some of the symptoms seem to be menopause-type, but I thought I was fully past menopause. Hmmm. . .</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Folic acid and Vitamin B12 levels are good. Yeah!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All but one blood test results are back - so far no autoimmune disease. Yeah!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rheumatologist's Initial diagnosis is </span><a href="http://www.psoriasis.org/netcommunity/learn02"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">psoriatic arthritis</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Follow up May 21st.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here we go again . . .test, wait; test, wait; repeat. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had a light bulb moment today. Imagine that! For once the brain wasn't too fuzzy. Anyway, it seems that for a month after the 6-month Oncologist follow up, life seems to be in turmoil. Doctors just want to be "safe" or "cautious" and run tests. I appreciate their concern. What I can do though, next time, is control the way that I react. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Peace! Over and out. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-12285814764302658772010-04-30T07:29:00.000-07:002010-04-30T07:30:18.536-07:00Probably, maybe, might<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a child, when I heard my parents’ immediate response with these words to my question, I would generally stomp my feet or huff as I walked away. In my young mind, it meant “no”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As a parent, I found myself using these same words with my daughters, with the same reaction. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I also recall begging, pleading, crying, and tantrums when those words were said. And not just from me – sorry my sweet daughters. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It might (oops – from here on noted as {O}) have been better to hear or say, “Tell me more about your request”, “That’s sounds interesting. Let me think about it and I’ll get back with you in an hour”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, maybe {O} that’s me probably {O} thinking I would have acted more appropriate when my parents had said it. Maybe {O} the internal feelings would have been more positive instead of an immediate negative feeling. I might {O} have not felt blown off, not validated or respected. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These are safe words. The person saying them doesn’t want to offend or hurt the requestor. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the case of this blog, it’s a doctor not 100% sure and probably {O} not wanting a lawsuit if his professional guesses turns out to be wrong. I can understand that. Does it mean he’s not validating me? Or respecting me? Or blowing me off? No. Simply that more information is needed. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">November 2009’s MRI showed a suspicious spot on the left, non-cancerous, breast. It was a “let’s check it again in 6 months” routine. Last week’s MRI results finally said “This site is benign”. Further, his “impression (such a nice clinical word isn’t it?) “No findings worrisome for malignancy”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Worrisome? Interesting choice of words. So that means that if a report doesn’t state “is benign”, we should worry?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, oh, we love that word too, right along with “But. . .”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The right breast, the one that HAD cancer: “Overall there is increased enhancement of the margins of the lumpectomy site, yada, yada, yada. Enhancement continues to increase and this is probably benign. Recommend follow-up MRI in 6 months because of new site of focal enhancement that maybe related to yada, yada, yada”.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m probably {O} taking those words out of my vocabulary – maybe {O} when talking with others. But then again, I might {O} not.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m off to have a MRI of the brain. No one is questioning if I have a brain or, for that matter, validating if a brain exists. They just want to rule out that nothing is lurking there due to recent symptoms. Laymen’s term: has the cancer passed the blood/brain barrier and moved into the brain. Those who have read my blog or know me, this is claustrophobia at its worst.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Stay tuned to learn about the results from yesterday’s appointment with the Rheumatologist. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time for me to take Valium and get into the confident, warrior mode to face the MRI beast. Gotta love living through drugs.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Blessings,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~Renee</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-15362627387155453902010-04-20T20:01:00.000-07:002010-04-20T20:33:26.233-07:00Here You Come Again<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><object height="344" style="background-image: url(http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/mhmxg5qUmYM/hqdefault.jpg);" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mhmxg5qUmYM&hl=en_US&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mhmxg5qUmYM&hl=en_US&fs=1" width="425" height="344" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This song has been in my head since Sunday. Crying-Sunday. Life sucks-Sunday. (read previous blog entry)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The lyrics sort of fit what's coming up this week . . . the dreaded MRI. The tube. The little bitty tube for my big butt. Okay, gone too far. Maybe it's the muscle relaxer I have in me or the acupuncture from earlier today. Whatever. I had to share Dolly's song with you (rewritten just a little).</span><br />
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Here you come again <br />
<br />
Just when I'm about to forget all about you <br />
You waltz right in the door <br />
Just like you done before <br />
And wrap the fear 'round your little finger <br />
<br />
Here you come again <br />
Just when I'm about to forget all about you <br />
You look onto my calendar <br />
And write down a date and time<br />
And pretty soon I'm wonderin' <br />
How I came to forget you <br />
<br />
All you gotta do <br />
Is show <strong><span style="font-size: large;">M</span></strong>. <strong><span style="font-size: large;">R</span></strong>.<strong><span style="font-size: large;"> I</span></strong>. <br />
And there go all my defenses <br />
Just leave it up to you <br />
And in a little while <br />
You're messin' up my mind <br />
An' fillin' up my senses <br />
<br />
Here you come again <br />
Lookin' to freak me out with no right to<br />
An' shakin' me up so <br />
That all I really know <br />
Is here you come again <br />
An' here I go <br />
<br />
All I gotta do <br />
Is remember Joshua 1:9<br />
Be strong and courageous<br />
Do not be terrified<br />
Do not be discouraged<br />
For the Lord your God will be<br />
With you in the tube.<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lots of blood work on Thursday, along with the usual "are you there, Cancer?" bloodwork. Many boxes were checked on the lab slip to rule out any type of autoimmune disease. Believing!</span><br />
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</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oncologist on April 29th in the morning and Rheumatologist in the afternoon. What more could a girl want?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">xoxox</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-78056091734922107932010-04-18T13:27:00.000-07:002010-04-18T13:28:23.738-07:00Okay<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm okay. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just okay. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not zippity-do-da-the-sun-is-shinning wonderful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each day seems to be a struggle . . . sometimes mental; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sometimes physical; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sometimes spiritual.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My bones ache.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My muscles ache.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My brain is fuzzy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm fatigued.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each day is not the same. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You (I) tell yourself (myself) that every headache is not brain cancer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You (I) tell yourself (myself) that the pain in the hips is not bone cancer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You (I) tell yourself (myself) that you (I) will not cry when talking with the doctor about the pain.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You (I) tell yourself (myself) to go on with life and ignore these things.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Not everything in your (my) world is related to cancer.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is your (my) new normal. That f-ing comment that you (I) hate. Yep hate; not polite "dislike". But hate. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">17 months since chemo ended.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">15 months since radiation ended.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I truly thought I would be back to <em>me</em> once the hair grew. That was the measurement, the goal, that all would be well with our (my) world. It's not.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm alive. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a job. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a house. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have a car. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, it could be worse.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">MRI this Thursday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6-month follow up with oncologist the following Thursday.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We (I) will be more than okay if we (I) don't hear the words, "There's a spot that we want to keep an eye on. Probably nothing, but. . . ."</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Follow-up appointment with regular doctor to determine if it's just fibromyalgia.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Just sharing some of the things going on in our (my) life.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hope.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hoped that it would be an uplifting blog entry. It's not. Oh well. It's okay.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Going outside as the sun is shining. Maybe it'll help get the zippity-do-day back into our (my) world.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Peace</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~Renee</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-54022359399530834482010-03-16T13:57:00.000-07:002010-03-16T13:57:49.598-07:00Missing YouI miss you all. <br />
<br />
I miss reading and finding out about your lives . . . how you are making it through your treatments and life after treatments. <br />
<br />
I miss thinking about you during the day and saying a prayer as you pop into my mind.<br />
<br />
I shall return to blogging soon. So much is happening with me on the inside - good stuff. A new way, a better way, of looking at life. Of setting boundaries. Of standing up for myself. Learning to not judge - myself or others. Learning to not be a victim or listen to others talk in victim-mode.<br />
<br />
Don Miguel Ruiz . . . . starting to read his book "The Four Agreements".<br />
<a href="http://www.miguelruiz.com/">http://www.miguelruiz.com/</a><br />
<br />
Listening on the iPhone to Gary Van Warmerdam while taking a mid-day walk. <br />
<a href="http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/index.htm">http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/index.htm</a><br />
<br />
28 pounds gone. Yippee!! 15 more for my first goal. Two sizes smaller. <br />
<br />
xoxox<br />
<br />
ReneeUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-41331181218410033382010-01-26T15:41:00.000-08:002010-01-26T15:41:51.544-08:00No!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No cancer was found in the two biopsies! Hallejuah!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">They don't know what it is but will test some more. Have at it, laboratory people. I heard what I needed to hear.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Daughter's tumor was benign.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Other daughter can see her children now, no more supervised visits. We didn't get all we wanted, yet, but at least she can see her girls.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">We can breathe!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-56373578985880786512010-01-23T17:14:00.000-08:002010-01-24T11:03:10.789-08:00Morphic<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/S1ujOp3y6vI/AAAAAAAAAXU/zFr6B1P_k6E/s1600-h/1865-KaleidoMorph.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5430113247878638322" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/S1ujOp3y6vI/AAAAAAAAAXU/zFr6B1P_k6E/s200/1865-KaleidoMorph.jpg" style="cursor: hand; float: left; height: 150px; margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 200px;" /></a><br />
<div><span style="font-family: arial;">When the lumpectomy breast became red and inflamed a week ago Tuesday, then moved quickly to swollen, hot and painful, my gut said it was <a href="http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/sites-types/ibc">Inflammatory Breast Cancer</a>.<br />
<br />
Breast surgeon thinks it is either IBC or <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/18656234?itool=EntrezSystem2.PEntrez.Pubmed.Pubmed_ResultsPanel.Pubmed_RVDocSum&ordinalpos=5">Postirradiation morphea</a>.<br />
<br />
Postirradiation morphea usually affects the breast and may resemble metastatic breast cancer, especially if it initially has an inflammatory stage. I did have an extreme inflammatory stage. Morphea is an autoimmune disease; it is also referred to as a <a href="http://www.sclero.org/medical/about-sd/types/localized/morphea/a-to-z.html">localized scleroderma</a>.<br />
<br />
I am scared, but calm. My mantra is, “It is what it is”. Maybe having gone through treatment already with the 2nd most aggressive breast cancer, the emotions are not all over the place. I remain hopeful that it is not IBC.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, the surgeon took two skin punch biopsies, then put in a few stitches to close them. These suckers hurt!<br />
<br />
If this turns out to be IBC, then back to the oncologist and chemotherapy. If more surgery is required after that, I will have a double mastectomy (my choice). But I want to make sure that the cancer cells respond to chemo first before I agree to any surgery.<br />
<br />
If this turns out to be Portirradiation morphea, I will be referred to a rheumatologist.<br />
<br />
Please keep us – my 2 daughters and me – in your thoughts and prayers this Tuesday. One goes for surgery for a tumor on her ovary. Our hope and belief is for a non-malignant tumor. The other daughter goes before a judge for the child custody. The skin punch biopsy results should be available on Tuesday.<br />
<br />
Instead of singing, “Monday, Monday. Can’t trust that day”, I think I’m changing it to “Tuesday, Tuesday. Can’t trust that day”. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Peace and blessings,</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">~Renee</span><br />
</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-18215425742748773812010-01-22T07:02:00.000-08:002010-01-22T07:12:10.559-08:00Aspirations<span style="font-family:arial;">Aspiration</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">1: a drawing of something in, out, up, or through by or as if by suction.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">2: a strong desire to achieve something high or great.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Funny how the word, aspiration, can mean different things. In my case, it means that the "thing" required numbing the breast and then withdrawing fluid from said <em>thing</em>. Fluid was sent to laboratory for three different tests. First test results would be ready within an hour.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>Thing</em> shrunk a little but not entirely. From 3" x 1.5" to about 2.75" x 1". Breast surgeon's (BS) scheduler calls. Oncologist wants BS to see me sooner than later, based upon the culture results. Red flag #1. Oncologist returns phone call - not the nurse. Red flag #2. Oncologist leaves voicemail as I didn't hear the beep of call waiting. Oncologist's voice message says <em>thing</em> looks to be a complex cyst and wants BS to look at <em>thing</em> this week; not at BS's first appointment opening on February 5th. Red flag #3.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Internet, friend or foe, gives 14% chance of malignancy and another site says bloody fluid and minimal decrease in size after aspiration is always malignant. Last night, the Internet was foe.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">So, I aspire that today's appointment with breast surgeon (2 pm) will result in my strong desire to achieve nothing. As in, the <em>thing</em> is nothing.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Believe with me, please.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-84438517200921611242010-01-16T19:32:00.000-08:002010-01-16T21:31:27.048-08:00Sell U What?<span style="font-family:arial;">Greetings!</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">I hope you all had a great Christmas and a peaceful New Year. We had a great time celebrating Christmas at my mom's place in Idaho. My two brothers and their families came up from California; it was nice to spend time with them.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The situation with the daughter continues. We were "allowed" to see the granddaughters one time in December. Their father, though, decided we couldn't be trusted since we helped "hide" the girls from him, stating that we knew he had an order of protection and temporary custody of the girls (6 and 8). So, big azzhole came into the restaurant and sat across the aisle from us. Hardest thing to do - putting on a happy face for the girls, showing them some love and fun, all the while knowing that his ugly mug was 6 feet away. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">When he realized he couldn't hear or see me talking to the oldest daughter, he moved to the otherside of his table. It became apparent that he is using intimidation and fear on the girls. Before the 8 year old would respond to general conversation and questions from us, she would look at him first. We could tell she was very guarded on what she said. This has been further confirmed by my daughter. The girls have told her that daddy tells them not to tell my daughter anything or they'll get in trouble.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">The criminal charges for domestic violence were dropped by the prosecutor. Oh, I didn't tell you that, did I? Seems azzhole husband told his wife to leave, once again, but stated she couldn't take the girls, again. When she tried to get her car keys and cell phone to leave their residence, he blocked the doorway. She shoved. He balled and clenched his hands; she was scared and slapped him, trying to get past him. Azzhole husband immediately turned around, went outside and called the police. Voila! She's arrested for DV. Yes, if the situation was reversed, he would have been arrested. Too bad he didn't hit her - the mental, emotional and monetary control over her has been 1,000 times worse.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Now to the cancer crap and life after the cancer crap, she says sarcastically.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Reading other women's blogs, I've learned that many deal with aches and pains for several months after chemotherapy ends. This wasn't the case with me. I had no residual physical problems, other than a few whacked out brain cells still affecting my thought process and memory. Sometimes funny; sometimes frustratingly not.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">During chemo treatment, I researched alternative treatments to help deal with the nausea and the other problems that come about from chemotherapy. Many women were using acupuncture and I truly wanted to give it a try. I chickened out. If you've read this blog, you know about my fear of needles. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">For several months now, I've started having lower back and neck pain. Massage and gentle stretching exercises didn't help; the pain continued to increase. To add to the matter, the "daily constitutional" started backing up. Without Colace or daily oatmeal, my body just wouldn't produce [chuckle]. Those who have been on this journey know what comes next . . . the wake-you-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night dread that the horrible disease has come back. But yet, I hesitated to go to the oncologist. Silly, but intriging (to me) about my hesitation. Glad to say that after six acupuncture treatments, the back pain is gone. Lesson learned: acupuncture really doesn't hurt.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Stepping out of the shower this past Tuesday, I noticed that the lumpectomy breast was extremely red and sore. An hour later, it was very painful, swollen, and hot to the touch. First thought - <strong><span style="color:#993399;"><a href="http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/inflammatory-breast-cancer/DS00632">Inflammatory Breast Cancer</a></span></strong>. The oncology ARNP that I met with a few hours later stated that breast cancer is not painful and does not come on suddenly (not quite true). She felt it was cellulitis, prescribed antibiotics with ibuprophen, call in two days if it's not better. I call in two days, it's not better, it's starting to itch and I am dang uncomfortable. Can you give the antibiotics one more day? Oh, sure, I can. No problem. I like having this breast the same size as the other one again. Yeah, there's a positive in every situation.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Researching the Internet (our friend and our foe), I found information from the 2000 American Society of Clinical Oncology conference.</span><br /><div align="center"> </div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><a href="http://www.asco.org/ASCOv2/Meetings/Abstracts?&vmview=abst_detail_view&confID=2&abstractID=201023"><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>Delayed Breast Cellulitis Following Breast Conserving Therapy<br />for Stage 1 and 2 Breast Carcinoma</strong></span></a> </span></div><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">What the heck?</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">I'm happy to say that the swelling, pain, and redness have decreased. If it's not cleared up 100% by Monday, I'll visit the oncology department again.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Hugs and kisses,</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Renee</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-17630883741115835592009-11-20T21:25:00.000-08:002009-11-20T23:58:30.735-08:00New Man<div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">I have a new man in my life. His name is Ned. That's short for<br /></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></div><center><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong></center><center><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;"></span></strong> </center><center><strong><span style="font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;">N</span><span style="color:#000000;">o</span> <span style="font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;">E</span>vidence of <span style="font-size:180%;color:#cc33cc;">D</span>isease</strong></center><div align="left"><br /><br /><strong><em><span style="color:#993399;">Monday - the mammogram</span></em></strong><br /></span><span style="font-family:arial;">As the tech was leaving the room after taking a few pictures, I asked that the radiologist return with her to give me the results. I explained that the last time, she returned to the room, she stated that it "was clear". I took that as clear of cancer, yippy, skippy. No; what she meant was the digital films were clear. This time, I wanted to have all the information before leaving the building. The Radiologist came in and said that there was no evidence of cancer. It was clear.<br /><br />Then why couldn't I yell "yahoo" and dance around the room. I just didn't want to get my hope up until after the MRI on Thursday. </span></div><span style="font-family:arial;"><div align="left"><br /><em><span style="color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span></em> </div><div align="left"><em><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>Thursday - the MRI</strong> @ 2 p.m.</span></em><br />The MRI went much smoother and easier than last time. Maybe it was the Xanax and Valium I had in my system. :-) It was only about 20 minutes and voila done. We grabbed a bite to eat in the hospital cafeteria, waiting for the 4 p.m. oncologist appointment. Still a little apprehensive until we heard the MRI results from the oncologist as we waited in the exam room. And waited.</span> </div><p align="left"></p><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">I hopped onto the exam table and took a snooze; nice sleepy drugs. And waited. Vic finally went out to the front at 4:45 p.m. and had the oncologist paged. No idea why she took so long. </span><span style="font-family:arial;"><br /><br />The MRI radiologist had not entered a report into the computer system, so the Oncologist briefly reviewed the MRI pics. She had stated that she's not trained to read them but went through a few screens and said it looked good. She would call me at work in the morning with the results from the radiologist. </span><p><span style="font-family:arial;">I still could not muster up a lot of joy. Paranoia?</span> </p></div><p></p><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#993399;"><em><strong>Friday</strong></em></span> </div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I really wanted to bring in some goodies to work this morning to celebrate NED with my coworkers. They knew about the MRI. I didn't want to say anything until I had heard from the oncologist, at which time I was going to run out to the store. She was going to call my work with the MRI results. I waited.</span> </div><p></p><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I had told a few of my female coworkers when I got into work that I was NED and stated that I was still waiting for a call from the oncologist to confirm the MRI. At noon, I decided to share the info with the men of the department in an email. When talking to the guys about the cancer, it seemed their eyes would travel down to the chest area. Were they trying to figure out which one was fake? Ha, , none of them are fake. A little smaller perhaps from the lumpectomy. </span><p><span style="font-family:Arial;">At noon, I checked my home's voice mail to discover a message from the MRI clinic. . . it came in at 10:25 a.m. They found a 5mm spot on the lumpectomy breast and a 4mm spot on the other. I needed an ultrasound to check it out . . . but, hey, didn't they tell you that the MRI picks up everything? It's probably nothing, but we want to be overly cautious, said the sweet MRI tech. Umm, nope, no one said a thing about this. She tried to schedule me for next Tuesday. No friggin' way was I waiting until Tuesday. I asked her to find a clinic associated with their hospital, anywhere in the state, that would do the ultrasound TODAY. She was able to get me into a clinic fairly close to our home at 1 p.m. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:Arial;">My sweet husband said he would grab a bus and meet me at the hospital (he works about an hour north of my job). No, honey, it's nothing. I can do this; you've missed enough time from work, blah, blah, blah. I'm fine. </span></p></div><p></p><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;color:#993399;"><strong><em>Ultrasound @ 1 pm</em></strong></span> </div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Ultrasound on both sides, with the tech reviewing the MRI films. Oh, I so wanted to be Vic, "don't worry about it until they tell you to worry about it". But I'm me. . . . mind you I wasn't sobbing, but the eyes were leaky. Happy thought, happy thought, think happy thoughts! Where are those darn happy thoughts? Bleh. . couldn't get them. </span></div><p></p><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">While the tech could see something, she felt confident the spots weren't cancerous. She stepped out of the room to speak with the radiologist. In hindsight, I should have asked that he come back into the room with her after their consultation. When she returned to the room, she stated that the radiologist agreed that the two areas were clear and that we just have to be over-cautious. I'll have another MRI in 6 months.</span> <p></p></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Walking out into the lobby I saw my hubby. Guess he didn't listen to me. :-) And I'm so glad he didn't.</span> <p></p></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">I called the Oncologist to find out for sure what the ultrasound showed and did it jive with what the tech had told me. I waited. Those of you who have been on this journey know that we do not wait very well. About 5 p.m. the oncology nurse called and said the ultrasound was clear. However, the MRI would be repeated in 6 months. I suggested that we do it in 3 months given the aggressiveness of the cancer. Nurse indicated that the doctor does 3 month checks on certain cases, and where indicated, but would do mine every 6 months. I have news for the nurse - I'll be pushing for a check every 3 months until the mammo, MRI and ultrasound all come back with the same conclusion. </span><p></p></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><span style="color:#993399;"><em>Lesson learned:</em></span> expect an ultrasound after each MRI.</span> </div><p align="left"></p><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Regarding the child custody issue - it isn't good. I don't have the whole story from my daughter's hearing today. Just know that our hearts are heavy . . . trying our best to not have them break.</span> <p></p></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">This will be my last entry for a few months. If you want to stay connected, please feel free to click on the Facebook link and add me as a friend. Sister Warriors - I will keep reading your blogs and cheering you on!</span> <p></p></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"><br />Much love and thankfulness for your support,</span> <p></p></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:Arial;">Renee</span> <p></p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-24543711784528577282009-11-15T19:14:00.001-08:002009-11-15T20:10:08.046-08:00Hair & Boob Pics<span style="font-family:arial;color:#663366;"><strong>Below - November 2008 . . . .about the 3rd chemo</strong></span><br /><br /><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDES-BWDnI/AAAAAAAAAWs/EcV-YNJCHsk/s1600/110108A.jpg.JPG"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404535383009922674" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDES-BWDnI/AAAAAAAAAWs/EcV-YNJCHsk/s200/110108A.jpg.JPG" border="0" /></a><strong><span style="color:#663366;"> Below - November 2009 . . . .11 months post chemo</span></strong><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDESekbTrI/AAAAAAAAAWk/TWJEPyTTmCY/s1600/111409D.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404535374567132850" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDESekbTrI/AAAAAAAAAWk/TWJEPyTTmCY/s200/111409D.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDESERfxQI/AAAAAAAAAWc/k89zi-fsarA/s1600/111409F.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404535367508411650" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDESERfxQI/AAAAAAAAAWc/k89zi-fsarA/s200/111409F.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDESJLD55I/AAAAAAAAAWU/zJhD78ZgRik/s1600/111409B.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404535368823596946" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDESJLD55I/AAAAAAAAAWU/zJhD78ZgRik/s200/111409B.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDER3dhw5I/AAAAAAAAAWM/4cZKDakD0iI/s1600/111409A.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5404535364069213074" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 200px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 150px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SwDER3dhw5I/AAAAAAAAAWM/4cZKDakD0iI/s200/111409A.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><strong><span style="font-family:arial;color:#663366;">Hoping that the curls stay. Never thought I'd hear myself saying this!</span></strong><br /></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#993399;"><strong></strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#993399;"><strong>Well, as far as the boob pics go . . . .Gotcha<p></strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;color:#993399;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;">Tomorrow is a mammogram and blood work. Last blood work was good, mammogram had some </span><a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2009/06/distorted.html"><span style="font-family:arial;">architectural distortion</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;">. </span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;">Thursday, November 19th is the MRI. We went to the hospital yesterday to visit the </span><a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2008/07/july-11-im-scheduled-for-mri-at.html"><span style="font-family:arial;">MRI machine</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;">. Who in their right mind visits MRI machines? Me.<p> </span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:arial;">The anxiety has lessened somewhat since talking to the MRI tech and seeing the machine. Xanax to get through the days leading up to the MRI and Valium an hour before the MRI . . . . life through chemistry, ain't it grand.<p> </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;">For a number of years, fear of the dentist would send me to this same high level of anxiety. I've been able to work through the fear with two great dentists and hygenists (and a Xanax once in a while). Who knows, maybe I'll get to this same place with MRIs . . . . dentists and MRIs every six months, hmmmm. <p></span></div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><span style="font-family:arial;"><div><br />We are still working on the daughter and granddaughters situation. I thank you for your words of wisdom, ladies. This has been 10 times worse than the breast cancer diagnosis. I could fight and do something about the cancer, but I can't do anything about this situation.</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><p>Talk to you on Thursday.</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div>xoxo</div><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><p>Renee<br /><br /></div></span><div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-53965459961245023052009-11-07T10:57:00.001-08:002009-11-07T11:43:25.084-08:00October is . . . .<span style="font-family:arial;">I haven't posted pics of the new hair do because I just can't get it quite right. But my hair was always like that before cancer. A week and a few days after a hair cut would find me fussing, and fussing some more, just to get the hair to go the way I wanted it to go. Too many cowlicks and growth patterns for one head, I do believe. I expect pics to be up soon though.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">It has been an extremely difficult week. I won't go into details here, but just say that we need your prayers. My daughter has temporarily lost custody of her girls, ages 6 and 8. This is wrong. Nothing she did warranted this type of treatment by her husband and the legal system. Because he has friends in blue (police) and is part of the legal system, he has used both to leverage his child custody issue. And, now he has 100% control of my daughter like he has wanted. He is a domestic abuser. Flat out, I'll call it what it is. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">It has been frustrating to watch my daughter go through this. We feel she should be doing much more to remedy the situation and take control of her life. It may be just too hard for her to see the truth about their relationship. It may be too hard for her to break free of his control. She wants to remain married to him. Classic domestic abuse victim. We have to let her make her choices; this is tough. As her parents and grandparents of two beautiful little girls, we want to "make it all better". </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">As a grandparent, we have no rights to visitation. We have asked, but he stated he has fears and concerns about letting us see the girls. What B.S. is that? Oh, yeah, the same B.S. that he put on the protection order that he was in fear for his and his children's safety from my daughter. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><span style="color:#993399;"><strong>Did you know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month?</strong></span> </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">What is Domestic Violence? Domestic violence can be defined as a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Domestic abuse not only affects those who are abused, but also has a substantial effect on family members. Children, who grow up witnessing domestic violence, are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems, but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life - therefore, increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Abuse usually gets worse over time. Yep, that has happened . . . . six years of him getting worse have led to this place. </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Hey Mr. Husband, we have our fears and concerns as well. Fear that you will do more physical and psychological damage to the three girls in your life that you love so much. Because you know you will - unless <u>you</u> get help. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">You've met your match, Mr. Husband. No wait. You've met someone better than you, Mr. Husband - me! </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-24971984526580401822009-10-28T19:46:00.001-07:002009-10-28T20:12:53.281-07:00Hair Cut<span style="font-family:arial;">My first real haircut in over a year! Something so insignificant and routine in my past life, such as a hair cut, now gives me great joy. The length was 4" and the hairdresser said it is much thicker than "normal". Ahh, there goes that word again, "normal". </span><span style="font-family:Arial;">The hair is still curly and I'm hoping it doesn't go back to straight!</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">We have moved the MRI and mammogram from December 17th to November 19th. I am glad. I need to have this cloud of the unknown that has been hanging over my head gone. G.O.N.E.! Not saying it's going to be cancer, but if it is, this will give us time to increase our medical flexible spending account for 2010 expenditures. Sad that we have to think this way, but we also want to be smart with the finances.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Besides, getting the MRI/mammo results on December 17th then flying to my mom's the next day for Christmas, wouldn't have been the best if the news was bad. Reminder - we aren't thinking it's going to be bad, but . . . .</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">It's been tough, quite honestly, not to continuously think about cancer. I truly believe that if we had received an "all clear" at the June mammo, I wouldn't still feel stuck in the land of cancer. I so want to move on . . . Worrying about the issue isn't going to make it better or go away. I know this. It's a challenge to give this all to God and leave it there.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Going back and reading where we were a year ago serves as a reminder that tho we went through alot, we came out that much stronger. I am so lucky to have a husband who has supported me 100% through this journey and continues to support. While he can't understand how my worry-brain works, his hugs just make it all better. I am thankful.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">~Renee</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-55893309956996184412009-10-15T11:28:00.001-07:002009-10-15T11:35:06.700-07:00Another Angel<span style="font-family:arial;">I have been writing a new blog entry - in my head - for several weeks now. Soon, I will actually get it onto the blog! </span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">But I wanted to share with you the spirit of a wonderful young lady who also went through a cancer diagnosis and treatment - Amber Chase. Her cancer is different from mine (Triple Negative) and is the one that, to me, is the hardest one to have diagnosed. It is called <em>Inflammatory Breast Cancer</em>. Many ladies are misdiagnosed for months and years - until it is too late and they are diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">When you go to Amber's blog, please read up on Inflammatory Breast Cancer. And, more importantly, share this information with your daughters, nieces, and granddaughters.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Here is a link to one of Amber's blog entries. I encourage all to really read the last paragraph.</span><br /><a href="http://amberchase.weebly.com/1/post/2009/03/i-am-now-past-my-expiration-date.html"><span style="font-family:arial;">http://amberchase.weebly.com/1/post/2009/03/i-am-now-past-my-expiration-date.html</span></a><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">May this note find you living to your fullest.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">xoxox</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-1735729967576081982009-09-17T20:34:00.000-07:002009-09-17T20:57:42.031-07:00Where Did The Time Go<span style="font-family:arial;">Wow! Almost a month since I last wrote on the blog. I knew I was going to start having longer periods of time between writings, but a month? Oh well.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Vic and I had a great Labor Day weekend. We made it a four-day weekend, which was very much needed. We went over to Ocean Shores for just one night, but as usual, just seeing, smelling and hearing the ocean does wonders for me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">Work life has been too busy and too stressful. Along with keeping my eye to December for clear scans, December is when the multiple evening meeetings will end. Last Wednesday, I didn't leave work until 10 pm. . .was there at 9 am! That's too long of a day for me. I enjoy my evenings at home.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">I turned 55 (gasp) this week! We had a great celebratory dinner with the girls, their husbands and the grandkids last Saturday. The 15 year old grandson, who has his driver's permit, drove Miss Daisy home from dinner. Yes, I was sitting in the back of the PT waving as we drove away.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Time this past week has been consumed with finding recipes and planning meals. I forgot how much time it takes to <em>plan</em> to eat healthy! I started attending <em>Weight Watchers at Work</em> program. The weigh-ins and meeting is held during the lunch hour so no excuses of being too tired to attend a meeting in the evening or too busy on the weekend. Tomorrow is weigh-in, so I am keeping my fingers crossed that I lost at least 1/2 pound! :-) Weight Watchers has a great on-line tool where you can build a recipe from your favorite recipes to see how to make it healthier and how many points a serving would be. I highly recommend the program, even if you aren't overweight. It's all about making health choices.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">This weekend promises to be a fantastic one! Saturday is a facial and a massage. Sunday - attending the play <a href="http://www.wickedthemusical.com/">Wicked</a>. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">I pray that you are making the best of today! Remember . . . it <em>can</em> be worse!</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Many blessings</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-58769300291321082532009-08-20T08:23:00.000-07:002009-08-20T08:34:51.063-07:00One Year Survivor<div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong></strong></span></div><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:130%;"><strong>Today marks the one year anniversary of survivorship.</strong></span></div><br /><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>Some count the day from diagnosis,</em></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><em>but I have chosen the date from removal of the tumor. </em></span></div><br /><br /><span style="font-family:arial;">If I stop to think about all that has happened in the past year - good and bad - I believe I would be in a puddle of tears and also amazed. Amazed that we came out of the journey stronger in our marital relationship. Amazed that the treatment wasn't too bad. Yeah, that's hindsight talking. Maybe I should go back to the beginning of this blog and re-read what I was feeling and thinking during chemo!</span><br /><br /><p><span style="font-family:georgia;"><a href="http://wendyharpham.typepad.com/healthy_survivorship/2009/07/the-doctor-is-within.html">From Wendy Harpham on Health Survivorship</a></span></p><p><span style="font-family:georgia;"><em>Healthy Survivorship is not about what happens to you, but what you do with what happens to you. Healthy Survivors recognize and grieve their losses. And while they are grieving, they make the effort to look for opportunities to do those things that can be done even better than before because of what they've lost.</em></span> </p><p></p><p><span style="font-family:arial;">I realize that I the need to acknowledge and grieve my loss. I've been stuck at that point in the healing process. Yet, I feel that I am in still in this blasted process until I get the clear scans in December. I'll work on it either way.</span></p><p>~Renee</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-53165513744531254712009-08-16T20:15:00.001-07:002009-08-16T20:30:01.755-07:00California Dreamin'<span style="font-family:arial;">Super busy at work - too much work and not enough people. What <strong><em>were</em></strong> they thinking laying off two people on our admin team? One of the remaining team members reads their book at their desk when they should be working. That leaves three of us busting out azzes to just keep our heads above the water. It's not fair. But life isn't fair either. What goes around, comes around. I'm such a believer in that.<br /><br />Have had many late night meetings and will have many more through November. I'm not happy about it as they all fall on me. See above - someone in their stupidity cut two support positions. What <strong><em>were</em></strong> they thinking? lol I refuse to walk on water or even try to walk on water. I gave that up years ago when I decided trying to be perfect and a people pleaser was killing me.<br /><br />Vic went to California last Wednesday and came home today. I am so glad he is back! I get nauseous having to give the cat his twice daily insulin injections. At least I don't cry any more! Yippee, making progress. I missed the guy . . my friend, my love.<br /><br />Health continues to be fine. I feel like my brain is coming back really well. I can multitask and don't need as many reminders, ticklers and lists upon lists to function at work. I feel like me again and I'm very happy about it. Hair is growing and is still curly! The curl is loosening somewhat, but it's not my normal straight. I'm loving it tho.<br /><br />The December MRI and mammogram and "</span><a href="http://reneesbumpintheroad.blogspot.com/2009/06/distorted.html"><span style="font-family:arial;">distorted architecture</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;">" still sits in the back of the mind. I'm telling myself that I can make it another 3 months . . . meetings will be done, MRI and mammogram will be done. Family from California will be here the day after I receive the MRI results. I am sooooooo believing for a clear scan! </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">Sending hugs to my breast cancer sisters going through treatment. And high fiving those who have completed. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">~Renee</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-58057050350407142852009-08-04T10:06:00.000-07:002009-08-04T16:03:27.491-07:00Thought<p><br /><p><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;">Only through caring <p><p></span></strong></p></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;">are we truly attached <p><p></span></strong></p></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;">to each other </span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong> </div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;font-size:180%;"> </div><p align="center"><p align="center"></span></strong></p><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:180%;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:100%;"><p> <p>Borrowed from someone else . . </span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-56177515072842692902009-07-29T19:26:00.001-07:002009-07-29T20:17:03.279-07:00Soy, Estrogen, Hot Flashes<span style="font-family:arial;">Finally heard from the oncology nurse regarding taking low dose Premarin for my heat waves. Even though my tumor was not fueled by estrogen (ER negative), the Oncologist does not recommend any type of systemic estrogen. The oncologist would approve </span><a href="http://www.drugs.com/pro/estring.html"><span style="font-family:arial;">Estring</span></a><span style="font-family:arial;">, stating that a little estrogen would pass into the system from the vagina. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">I asked about using over the counter <a href="http://www.drugs.com/drp/estroven-caplets.html">Estroven</a>. The nurse couldn't find on the internet the mg of <a href="http://www.breastcancer.org/risk/everyone/nutrition/foods/phytochem.jsp">phytoestrogens</a> that are in Estroven and suggested that I speak with the pharmacist. Nurse Leslie said it was okay to consume <a href="http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/nutrition/ask_expert/2005_01/question_23.jsp">soy-based </a>foods, such as tofu, a few times a week, but not to consume <a href="http://www.breastcancer.org/news_research/ask_expert/2005_06/question_17.jsp">soy </a>supplements. After doing a little research, I now read that <a href="http://www.breastcancer.org/news_research/ask_expert/12_2008/question_03.jsp">flax seeds </a>aren't the best. But earlier research indicated that women should drink green tea and sprinkle flax seed on yogurt or salads, etc. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">After disconnecting the call with the nurse, I was immediately mad and sad. I wanted to sit down and just cry. My first thought was, "Damn this cancer! Why does it continue to wreck havoc!?" I'm not sure why the emotions have been high these past few weeks. I find myself crying when driviing home from work. Soon I hope to have the light bulb moment that will shine on what is bothering me. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">It's over 100 degrees in the Seattle area and it is miserable. Thank goodness for Ambien! We are taking a cold shower before bed, putting a wrapped ice pack on our bodies, laying spread-eagle in bed with a fan blowing . . . . waiting for that Ambien to kick in. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">At least with this heat, I can't blame the sweating on hot flashes!!</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;">~Renee</span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Arial;"></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-72756212417922399852009-07-26T19:02:00.000-07:002009-07-26T19:07:17.582-07:00Miracle BabyPlease join me in prayer and well wishes for a successful pregnancy for Kim (Batty) and her husband Peter. Kim has been fighting Stage IV breast cancer since 2005. <br /><br />Read her story here: <a href="http://sonarbat.blogspot.com/">Batty's blog</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-707291043684115299.post-38670818729899860412009-07-25T20:35:00.001-07:002009-07-25T21:22:16.751-07:00Energy<div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;color:#663300;"></span></strong></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"><strong><span style="color:#663300;">You only make a decision once;</span></strong><br /></span></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-family:arial;color:#663300;">thereafter you just manage it daily. </span></strong></div><br /><div align="left"><br /><span style="font-family:arial;"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5362612707749050274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_DRFd_wTH5MU/SmvT2Glgt6I/AAAAAAAAAVQ/LlBXflSbh3w/s320/back+sunset.jpg" border="0" /><br />Happy to report that the fractured left radial head is improving!<br /><br />I had serious doubts on the orthopedist wisdom when he said that it was in my best interest to keep moving my arm and hand – increase the range of motion (ROM). It hurt! Stinking hurt, 24/7. Pain pills just took the edge off in order to go to sleep.<br /><br />Another frustrating point with this whole thing is dealing with work and HR. Sorry to those peeps who may be in the HR field and reading this. Look at it from my eyes. I have an arm that is in a sling. I have a hand that can barely hold 2 pieces of paper. Yet you want me to have my very expensive orthopedist spell out what exactly is “light typing”. Let ME tell you what light typing means. Heck, I’m the expert in this area - been in the this field since 1972 - and it’s my frigging arm/hand that’s hurting! I’ll tell you what I can do.<br /><br />There were meetings that needed minutes taken and transcribed. There were letters and other documents that needed to be keyboarded or formatted. Wouldn’t you think that someone other than me needed to have their hands on the keyboard? Bless my supervisors heart for being between a rock and a hard place having lost three of seven positions during the recent layoffs. She has been trying to take over the extra projects while doing her own. I realize this. I appreciate this. And I didn’t fall off my bike on purpose. It’s just been a frustrating two weeks for me. Once again, I am impaired because of something beyond my control, and it is impacting every facet of my life. Impacting Vic’s life again. You try putting on socks or underwear with one hand. :-)<br /><br />I have to wait another 4 weeks to allow the arm/bone to heal. If the pain in the wrist and the numb fingers continue, the orthopedist will then do a nerve damage study. But I’m glad that I can keyboard without too much pain, hold things with my left hand and drive (almost) safely.<br /><br />I truly didn’t mean for this post to be whiney and cranky. Just wanted to report on how life our life is improving after breast cancer treatment and fractured radials. Oh well.<br /><br />I am continuing to take 2,000 units of Wisconsin Ginseng that I took as part of the medical research study. It is truly helping with the energy! I take 1,000 units with breakfast and another 1,000 units at lunch. I was told not to take it after 1 p.m. as it may give me too much energy and may impact my sleep. This hasn’t really been the case.<br /><br />I had a very minute hair trim on Wednesday. Some sections of the hair were too long and cork-screwing . . .sort of like Princess Leia from Star Wars. The hairdresser wanted to have some fun trying to straighten out the curls into a “style”. I let her. Figured if I didn’t like it, I could always put a little water on the hair and watch it curl back into place. It was a cute style. While the hair wasn’t exactly straight, it wasn’t poodle dog-like. The hair measures about 2.5” now. It seems the growth has slowed down and I’m thinking it may be due to not using Nioxin every day and not taking the mega-doses of vitamins and supplements. I had stopped the supplements, believing they were the cause of increased facial hair. But they helped the eyebrows grow!!<br /><br />Other chemo/radiation related issues that continue are funky toe nails and dry eyes. I’m blaming the dry skin and heat waves on menopause, though I thought I was post-menopausal when I started treatment, so really not sure what this is all about! I spoke with the oncology nurse on Friday about taking a low dose estrogen (my internist suggested it IF the oncologist approved). The nurse thought the Oncologist wouldn’t approve, but would get back with me on Monday. Since my cancer was not fueled by hormones, I thought it would be semi-safe. But again, it could increase my risk of having hormone-fueled cancer. Will let you know what the answer is.<br /><br />Finger nails are doing great, no bone pain and cognitive/memory issues are almost back to normal. The radiated skin still looks “suntanned” – in my case sunburned since I don’t tan.<br /><br />One thing I do need to let go is my disappointment and hurt that <em>local</em> people who knew about Vic and I didn’t come through with physical support for the things that we couldn’t do. My mother lives 5 hours away and has never visited us during this past year. She is able to travel, in fact, has made one or two trips to California. </span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">It’s so easy to see the negatives and not the positives, isn’t it? The energy spent on the negatives is wasted energy. </span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">I am so thankful for my mom's prayers, the physical support and love from our daughters (including adopted daughter Laura from Eastern Washington), the support and prayers from my California family and friends, co-workers support and donated hours, and those here in cyber land. So I’ll take that wasted energy and turn it into thankfulness for you that did support!</span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="center"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">Despite the above crankiness, I’m pleased that things are going so well after chemo and radiation. It’s still hard to believe that it’s been almost a year since the surgeries for Vic and me. </span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">Peace,</span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;"></span></div><br /><div align="left"><span style="font-family:arial;">~Renee</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4