Digging In Your Heels

Sept 21

I'm going to try to find a link to the songs of the titles and add them to the date of the blog entry. I may even go back and update the older ones. I think it's fun finding the song titles to fit the blog entry.

I guess I'm just digging in my heels over this chemo because it isn't over after the last infusion. The chemo and side effects can stay with me for 6-12 months. That isn't right. I'm going to be checked every 3 or 6 months, so why not wait to see if something else grows? By that time, I will have had more time on my job and gotten over the shock and terror of having been diagnosed with cancer.

I'm also mad at myself for acquiescing to having a 2nd surgery. For 1 mm, it wasn't necessary (to me). If there was something there, then the chemo should be able to knock it out. At least that's how I think it would be. The 2nd surgery has done much more damage than I expected. I should have gotten a 2nd opinion. Every blasted thing I've read about cancer says get a 2nd or 3rd opinion!!!! And I didn't. I didn't go with my gut about not having a 2nd surgery.

Also, I wanted chemo first to shrink the tumor so they would take less tissue. I acquiesced to the doctors saying I didn't need it. It didn't warrant it. . . I would look okay in clothes. When I heard that, I should have put a hold on the surgery at Virginia Mason and gotten another opinion. I didn't.

NOW, I want to get a 2nd and 3rd opinion on this chemo.

I haven't heard officially that I have been approved for shared leave. The HR person said I might hear early this week. I had heard through the grapevine that I was approved, so who knows.

We really wanted to get away to the ocean this Friday to have a 3-day break between surgery/recuperation and the next leg of this journey (chemo). Of course, that's IF I have chemo.

But it isn't right that if I am approved for donated leave, to use that leave for a vacation. My colleagues have had to pick up the projects/tasks I would have done for over a month (guilt talking). That's another thing I'm hating about this blasted cancer. It controls everything! While I will be very, very, grateful should the donated leave come through, it would be nice to rejuvenate at the ocean.

Stay tune as the Cancer World Turns . ...

Peace to you all and many blessings.