Wednesday, June 17, 2009


So, when is okay really okay? That ponderable was with me last night and all of today.

Yesterday was my first mammogram since diagnosis. I didn't realize how uptight I was until the tech said several times, "Relax your shoulder". I did my best to do positive speak to the worries and thought I WAS relaxed.

I think I had at least 2 and maybe 3 compressions on the non-cancer breast; at least 4 or maybe 6 on the cancer breast (or former cancer breast). Not sure the exact amount -- I was too uptight! :-)

Before the tech left to review the pics with the radiologist, she said don't be concerned if we tell you that we'll see you in six months. I appreciated the warning, but also told her that every 3-4 months, someone or something would be looking at that breast. So she left the room to confer with the radiologist.

A few minutes later, she stepped back into the room and said it was "okay" and that I could go have a seat in lobby to wait for the blood draw. I took it to mean "the films are okay and you have no cancer". Denial is such a great thing, isn't it!? In talking with my sweet husband last night about my day, I told him that it was "okay". I know he didn't mean to plant a negative seed when he said, "Okay just means okay - they don't need anymore pictures".

Update on the updates . . . deep breath and a big sigh; yes, this will end someday. I've been having pain in my left big toe but couldn't find the source. I discovered that the nail has a horizontal crack about 2/3 from the top. There is a fair amount of white on the toe nail - similar to how the fingernails looked when they were lifting. I just never put the two together. pain = chemo nail.

Vic and I meet with the oncologist tomorrow afternoon. I'm hoping that the Vitamin D levels have risen significantly. I've been taking a 50,000 IUs pill once a week and 4,000 the other 6 days.

We will also meet with the geneticist and the research coordinator for the neuropathy ointment. It will be interesting to find out if I did have the real thing! Not sure why we need to meet with the geneticist, but kind of glad that we are. I'd like to know if my BRCA gene variant has shown in anyone else's testing.

More news tomorrow! Okay?




  1. Okay is good. Not okay is when then keep needing to take more and more mammograms with magnified views and you end up staying there several hours. You have BRAC2? Did they find this in other family members?

  2. Renee,

    Lots of comments on my blog regarding chemo nails ... if you are interested.

    Those mammograms are stressful but in this case ... I'm thinking O.K. means the scans are clear.

    All the best to you.

  3. Thanks Daria and Sue!

    Sue - I have a variant of the BCRA gene. They can't say that it caused the cancer.

    My mother was tested but she came back as not having the BCRA gene. My father's mother died of breast cancer at the age of 42. Unfortunately, my father did not stay in contact with his mother's relatives. The only blood relative I have on that side of the family is my brother.

    Still just 6 people with my variant. If any others are identified, the geneticist will let me know.