Saturday, February 7, 2009


Hello my friends,

I have vacillated on stopping the blog now that treatment is over. I've decided that I will keep it up for awhile, but probably won't write as often. There is much more to this journey-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on than just treatment. There is the "life after" or is that "afterlife"?

This week has been a fatigued and fog week. Ecstatic that the treatment is over, but dang it all, couldn't I just bounce back and be me on Wednesday? Fatigue isn't as bad as the chemo fatigue, but it is here. Usually it comes around in the afternoon and I slink home to my recliner until bedtime. Yesterday, I was having "grey outs" in the morning. Got it? Grey outs instead of black outs? The brain is grey, I couldn't remember and . . .okay never mind.

I so0000 thought I was past the chemo fog part. Is this what is happening? It's been a long time since I've had my "normal" brain it's hard to know.

Me with foggy brain and fatigue story:

I had stayed in my work clothes until bedtime one night this week. Not a big thing but it was out of my normal routine . . and hopefully this tidbit helps you understand the rest of the story. I put on my nightgown, but stayed in my slacks while I straightened the bed and fluffed the pillows. No Mom, I still don't make my bed in the morning.

I brushed my teeth, removed the makeup and did some other things at that end of the house which is away from the bedroom. I came back into the bedroom and started looking for my night gown. Now Vic has a terrible habit of moving my stuff off the bed and placing them wherever. Yes, Mom, if I would put my things away when I'm done using them, I wouldn't have to search for them.

I looked on the dresser, his usual place where he puts my items. Not there. I looked between the bedspread and blanket, blanket and sheet, and between the sheet and bed. Maybe I accidentally covered it up while straightening the bed. Nope not there. I started down the hallway to the kitchen, where Vic was, to ask him if he touched my nightgown. As I was walking, I looked down and happened to see that I was wearing my nightgown! I didn't remember or comprehend that I had put it on.

At least it was a good laugh and fodder for the blog.

This Thursday is port flush day. It has to be flushed once a month with saline solution until it is removed. When will it be removed? I don't know right now. I'd like to keep it at least for the first MRI or PET/CAT scan where contrast die is required as the port can be used for this. Since the first time that the port was accessed, I get this pain down my breast. It lasts for a little while and then goes away. It is simply weird. The nurses don't know why it happens. Guess I'll have to ask the surgeon whenever I see her.

The first week in March, I will see the Radiation Oncologist. At the end of March will be another port flush. At that time, they will do blood tests and I will get those results when I meet with the new Oncologist the first week of April.

So every month, there is some contact with the cancer treating medical profession. How can someone forget about cancer and get on with their life with these reminders? Let alone the fatigue and chemo fog reminders.

Oh, well, life continues and the mysteries remain. Each of us in this journey-that-no-one-wants-to-be-on know that we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward to dance with NED.

Vic meets with the surgeon for his Schwannoma at the end of February. It will be nice to finally find out what the next steps are for this little tumor.

Many blessings to you!


  1. Dearest Renee - Many blessing to both you and Vic! You have been through such a trying time, you are such a hero to me as you have been so positive (at least from my view). Brain fog or not you are still Renee and we love you!

  2. You are sooo funny Renee!! I would have loved to be there and see you running around looking for your nightgown, while wearing it!! Well, at least you have a good excuse!

    It's scary, I do things like that, and I don't have a good excuse. Like many times with my sunglasses on my head running all over trying to find them, etc.

    I will continue praying for your recovery!!! That's got to be tough, to be so tired all the time, not having energy, and forgetting so much. We'll pray that will go away soon, and you can be back to your normal self.

    Take care Renee!
    Love you!

  3. I'm glad your treatments are done, but also glad you're going to keep this blog going. I was wondering what you were going to do. But I'm sure you'll have some things to share at times.

    And I agree with Kim, at least you have an excuse - chemo brain, wow, the rest of us don't have that excuse. But we still do weird things like that and hate it just the same. Forgetting is not fun, for sure.

    We will pray for Vic's situation and of course continue to for you. You just continue to take care, okay. Love you bunches, Dawn