Friday, April 10, 2009

Two Martini Lunches

If I DID have two martini lunches, I definitely wouldn't be going back to work afterwards. Maybe this might not be a bad thing.

Actually, my supervisor agreed to my plan to help lessen the fatigue by taking two hour lunches. I live fairly close to home and would probably have 1.5 hours of rest and quiet to get me through the rest of the afternoon. I start this on Monday.

We have quite a few extra evening meetings in April and May and I knew I couldn't keep going like I have been. . . . Superwoman. For the next six weeks, some will have one or two meetings. My supervisor asked the other Admin to cover a few for me. My colleague is going on vacation the last week of April and first week of May. . . .oh boy. My supervisor agreed that some other support staff will help with phones and such so I can get through these blasted meetings. Come June, my life will return to staffing two evening meetings and two late afternoon meetings a month.

I've put in for intermittent leave and my doctor has signed a form with the medicalese that says I need more rest. Supervisor has signed my request, now the Director needs to sign. Not sure if I'll qualify for shared leave again; but either way, my vacation and sick leave will be depleted again. And here Vic and I were hoping to have a vacation this year to celebrate getting through 2008.

I was displeased to see that the doctor responded with "six months or more" to the question of how long I would have this "condition" aka fatigue. I am truly hoping and believing that having the consistent long breaks in the middle of the day will help. Maybe Vic won't be the only one doing things around the house during the work week if I get the added rest.

I try to find peace and remind myself that "this" won't be forever when the toes are burning and the nails are hurting. It will be my reality for a few months. I may rail against my body and whine about it in this blog. No, I will 99% probably -- none of this "may" stuff. I believe I am reaching the place where I am friggin' angry at cancer. I am pleased that I never fell into the victim role during this journey. I couldn't go in that direction - my energy had to be spent on putting one foot in front of the other to get through the surgeries, chemo and radiation and show up at work. Anger can be a good thing.

The City has announced that it will lay off employees. This is the first time in a very long time that the City has had to do this. Morale is down and lots of people are concerned. I'm not worried about it, though. It feels really strange to say that because a loss of a job or fear of losing a job used to send me into a tailspin. My last two positions were eliminated.

First elimination :-) , I was devastated; no matter how much they told me it wasn't me or something I did. As a contractor for Dept. of Corrections, DOC decided that my position should be at their HQ. I didn't want to drive an hour each way, so I was out of a job. The second time of being "eliminated", I was scared but thankful - it wasn't a good job fit. Maybe I'm calm because I've "been there, done that"? Heck! I can't look too far in the future - have to deal with just getting through 8 hours of work each day, so maybe that's it! lol

We are hoping for good weather tomorrow. I just want to go pull weeds. Now, don't laugh. But I like to pull weeds - it's instant gratification. Maybe I'll purchase some annuals just to have color and perk up our life. We need some perking! That's my hope for tomorrow. . . .we'll see if the energy holds and rain clouds stay away.

One more week for Vic's surgery! Whoo hoo!!

Over and out,



  1. R, I'm sorry to hear that the fatigue is kicking your fanny. But you know what? You worked through this entire thing and frankly, you deserve a break of some sort. You've been a trooper.

    Take time for you and your two-martini-without-the-maritini lunches. At least you'll be there to work. And ask about taking work home too. This is a viable alternative that I believe isn't pursued enough by former cancer patients. We keep strange hours and there's no reason why things can't get done if you happen to be awake at 1 a.m.

    Plant those annuals, pull those weeds, and rejoice in the sunshine. Happy Easter!

    Many hugs!

  2. Renee, I've just started following your blog. Sorry to hear about the fatigue ... it can be difficult to say the least. I guess the best you an do is take it slow.

    All the best to you.

  3. Post-treatment fatigue is a complete bitch, I know - just when you think you're done, right? Just an idea: you could ask your doctor about adult adhd drugs to help combat fatigue. It's off-label use, but that's one of the things I think helped me finally climb out of the fatigue.
    Take care of yourself and Happy Easter.

  4. Thanks ladies for your words of encouragement and advice on how to get through this.

    I am so thankful for the support and advice from those further along in the journey.


  5. Renee, I so enjoy reading your blog. Thanks for sharing so honestly. It's not whining. It just validates the feelings that we also share as we fight this fight together. Blessings to you!