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I wanted to share with you something that was so heart-feltly written by my fellow TNBC sister. I couldn't have said it better!

She calls it a "rant".

i don't

it's what we feel

it's what I feel

bravo, S.F.!

Please click this link to read and absorb what so many people diagnosed with cancer want to say out loud: The Cookie Jar

Hope

There is hope after a cancer diagnosis.

It WILL get better after the cancer treatment.

And your hair WILL grow again.

Just three things I wasn't so sure of November 2008.

In November, my daughter and her family came over to do whatever it was we needed them to do. I had her help finish an organization project I started before diagnosis. The upstairs room was totally torn apart with piles of like items everywhere. Even though I didn't do much while she organized, it tired me out immensely. I had her stop when most of the task was completed. . .I was too tired to give directions while sitting in a chair. That's how sad it was.

Yesterday I was up in this same room, doing more organizing and I had a light bulb moment. Don't you just love those? I realized that I was able to move around, crawl into the long, large closet, pull out boxes, etc. and wasn't fatigued in 5 minutes. It was great to have something to measure how I feel now compared to 5 months ago.

It's so easy to focus on the negative aspects of cancer and the treatment, and what we used to be like and aren't now because of cancer. But cancer can not take away our internal self and who we are really at the core.

I continue to research the Internet to find my grandmother's relatives. I have a variant of the breast cancer gene (BRCA2) that doctor's couldn't say did or did not cause the breast cancer. Some may say, why give a flip about this, , ,why worry?

I am not worrying on this matter. It's more that I want to KNOW. Know for myself, my daughters, my granddaughters and my niece. Are there others who had breast or ovarian cancer? If so, then that person's relatives can be tested. We can test the generations to see if it truly is a hereditary gene or just a fluke of one of my genes because my mother ate too many bon bons (or whatever) while I was developing in the womb.

While I will be monitored by the medical profession for years to come, and my daughters can be hypervigilant on their breast exams and diagnostic mammograms, I just want to know -- did it, or did it not cause the breast cancer.

I have used the clinical trial creme for the neuropathy for over a week. My feet do not burn! Hallelujah! Now is this the real stuff or is it a placebo and the neuropathy healed on it's own? We'll find out in 5 weeks.

I started the baseline testing this weekend for the clinical trial of ginseng. This involved putting a cotton roll - like the kind your dentist uses - into my mouth before getting out of bed and chewing on it for 2 minutes until it was saturated with saliva. Lovely isn't it? Repeating the process 30 minutes later. The third baseline test is to do the same at nighttime before going to sleep. This is done for two days and today is Day #2. I will start with the ginseng tomorrow.

For those going through cancer treatments now, just know that it does get better. Be kind to your body, eat healthy, exercise when you can and don't be afraid to say "no". It's not a time for us to be super-people. Does this mean lay around all day on the couch or in bed? No, not unless your body is telling you to do so.

Find something good each day and focus on that. I know it's hard to do on those days when the nausea or fatigue has you by the throat. Also important is to have something to look forward to. Maybe a nice dinner during the week you aren't nauseous or a trip to see the ocean . . . just something.

Many blessings and hugs to you. Thank you for being a supporter!

~Renee

Hey!

Surgery was scheduled for 10:20 - and we arrived at 8:30 am. Ultrasound and radiation doctor came in to find the tumor and mark it up for the cut area. Since the tumor had a blood supply, they mapped out where the "small" veins were. The surgeon was behind schedule and Vic didn't leave the pre-op until 12:30 pm. I hate waiting!!

Vic was out of surgery about 2:30 yesterday. Doctor said it went well and the tumor is out. It was a nerve sheath tumor. I don't have any more info other than that.

Everyone kept asking - including the surgeon - if he was spending the night. We were confused as we thought all along this was an outpatient surgery. Then our concern was raised, what do THEY know that WE don't know.

I got in to see Vic at 3 pm and he looked good. A little groggy, but he snapped out of it pretty quickly. Once his blood pressure and heart rate stabilized and he could urinate, we were free to go. Within an hour or less, he had stabilized but not bathroom trips. And we waited. Did I mention how much I hate waiting?? Three glasses of juice later, he finally got a little out at 5 pm. Probably TMI, but it was the reason we couldn't get out. The nurse "dobblered" his bladder to see if it was empty and it was. So he got dressed and we left at 5:15. . . .and ran into the I-5 had two accidents so let's back up the freeway to Canada routine. We finally got home at 6:30 pm.

This morning, Vic continues to move around well, looks good in his coloring and has had minimal Oxys. Don't you wish we could all be this way after abdominal surgery? I'm envious.

I am heading to work as he doesn't need me to babysit. That's the one thing he is bad at -- being a patient. Doesn't need a nurse or waiting on. I've had to give him a sharp "Hey!" when he went to lift something. Nothing heavier than a gallon of milk . . which leaves the cats out. :-)

Peace over and out!